Younger Me

Hello everyone, to anyone who is still out there. 

I hope you haven't wasted too much of your time waiting for an update from me on this blog, as it's been 10 entire years since my last post.

10 years. A ridiculous amount of time. So much has changed.

Younger me would be thrilled to know that I still have a passion for animals, wildlife, the environment, the climate, and that I currently work in Sustainability!

Younger me would be confused to know that she now has three pets; all cats. No dogs. No hamsters.

Younger me would be relieved to know that we no longer beat ourselves up about what we eat, when we eat, and has found some peace with her body. 

Younger me would be happy to know she has gotten back into reading, and it has swiftly become one of her personality traits and gets to talk about books with her friends!

Younger me would be shocked to find out that her long luscious hair got a well-needed chop and reaches to just her shoulders.

Younger me would be sad to know that she has lost both of her grandparents in the last 6 years; Grandad in March 2019, and Granny in March 2025. Upset to know that the Shop has closed for good, and instead of being able to walk into it and shout "Only me!" upon entry, now you need a key to enter the silence.

Younger me would be thankful to know that she has the best group of friends she could have ever asked for, and that they really are friends for life. 

Younger me may not be surprised that she is a Vegetarian/Vegan now, and can't fathom eating meat again. However, she would definitely be surprised that some people apologise to her for talking about, or eating meat, in front of her - it's really not that offensive!

Younger me would be disappointed to know that she hasn't taken the leap to travel the world yet. After rereading her blog posts from back in the day, Current Me is also disappointed that I haven't been brave enough yet to take the leap for her. But Current Me is determined to turn those dreams into a reality for her.

Younger me may not be so understanding as to why I'm not doing more, and have grown comfortable. Current me is also is a bit more understanding, but also the reasons are not an excuse to do nothing.

Younger me must be horrified to know that in 10 years, the globe has experienced a pandemic (and caught the virus twice I might add), seen the Climate Crisis reaching its tipping point day by day, watching greed fuel the rich and powerful while the majority of the globe suffers, seeing catastrophic weather events on the regular, watching a Genocide take place in Palestine by Israel while the world's governments sit back and allow it to play out, the Wars in Congo and Sudan, seeing Donald Trump and Elon Musk take the main stage in the world of Politics, riots in the world becoming more common but mostly for good causes, the rise of Nazis and Extreme Nationalists worldwide and the increase of racism, discrimination, and out-and-out hatred, and much more. 

Younger me needs to know that in a world of so much unrest and tension, amidst genocides and wars, and a global Climate Crisis, things are a bit stressful. Things are not as easy to come by or do as she once thought they were.

Younger me reminds Current Me that nothing is impossible, and Current Me can do whatever she sets her mind to.

Current me is thankful to Younger Me for starting this blog, and reminding me that Younger Me has come so far when she never thought it was possible. 

One thing that I've realised tonight is that

not only is hating yourself exhausting for yourself,

but it's just as exhausting for someone who cares about you as well

which makes you hate yourself more. 

It's a vicious cycle. 

Not only do they see your self destruction,

but they feel it as well. 

They're that spark of hope but your self-hate makes the light dim. 

"You've spent an infinity years not being born yet & you spend another infinity years being dead.

Finish your cereal and go outside."

 

I don't even know anymore

What is happiness? 

And how is it supposed to work? Because I feel like I've been given a raw deal.

How are you supposed to find something to do that makes you happy everyday of your life? Does that type of thing even exist? Obviously there's going to be mixtures of sad days and off days and such, but isn't the idea to be happy the majority of the time?

Well, why isn't that happening to me?

Why do I have to depend on others for my own happiness right now? I don't think that's how it's supposed to work? It's all well and good finding happiness from others, but depending on it?

Because when I'm alone, I'm sure as hell not happy. And it probably doesn't help that I feel like the only person that feels like this.

Should I be happy even though I'm not physically surrounded by friends and family? 

Just me, alone with my own thoughts, in silence? 

How is that supposed to work?!

You'd think I'd be satisfied by the thoughts of knowing that I have friends and family.

Occasionally I listen to music when I'm alone, but it's music to try and relax me.

I just don't think it's fair that I feel like crying by the time it's Thursday. Every week. 

"Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow-creatures is amusing in itself."
- James Anthony Froude

SUMMER

People always say that America is the land of opportunity. 

Similarly, I feel that summer is the season of opportunity. 

I mean, you can spend your summer however you choose really, especially now that school is over (well, in my case anyway)

You can choose to catch up on all those series of Breaking Bad and Game Of Thrones, or challenge yourself to a game of Chubby Bunny to break your all-time record, or you could even see how many Ribena's it takes you to drink before you need to pee!

Or..

As fun as they all sound, you could do something ambitious, something you'll be proud of! (not that fitting more than 12 marshmallows in your mouth isn't ambitious, or something to be ashamed of) 

but use your days to the best of your ability, and do something you'll be happy you did.

(I honestly can't think of one person that has said that they were happy that they played Chubby Bunny) 

All in all, be happy, be silly and make memories.